What is it you plan to do...?

 Friends, have you heard this poem by Mary Oliver?

Yes, I know that it's about summer and we are in the damp, cold clutches of the obnoxious and never ending part of winter. And yes, I first heard about this poem while reading Kelle Hampton's blog that I'm obsessed with...(seriously, who isn't obssessed with Kelle Hampton?).   But I want you to pay attention to the last line...

 

I heard today that this week has been named the "most depressing week of the year."  I have no idea who came to that conclusion or how they determined it, but I'm completely on board.  Yeesh, ya'll.  This one is for the birds.  To the tune of, I considered calling out sick this morning because I am having such a bad hair day.  "Buzz, your girlfriend...WOOF!" 

I know I've said this before, but think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't found that thing that I'm supposed to do.  Recently, I've felt a lack of confidence in my chosen career path.  My relationship with my job is such a roller coaster ride.  I love the organization that I work for and the people I work with, but I can't help but feel like there is something else out there that is better suited for me.  The one, tiny, insignificant detail is that I haven't the foggiest inkling as to what that something else is, or how to figure it out.  And for someone who treats goals and direction like Temple Grandin's "Squeeze Machine,"  this wandering does not sit well with me.  PS, if you haven't seen this movie...you need to. Immediately.   

The question that I have yet to find an answer to is, how do I contribute to my family, financially, without sacrificing what brings me joy and fulfillment? Is that a self-centered, first-world, question??  It seems like it when I remember my friends in Zambia who go through so much to fend for their own families and to find employment in the first place. I'm so grateful to have a job, and to work for an organization that values it's employees and their development, and I don't see myself leaving in the very near future...but meanwhile, I feel like I'm losing valuable time doing something that isn't me.

I realize that maybe I won't find THE something I am supposed to do for a long time.  Maybe this time is about being patient and content in what I do have.  But that doesn't make the search any easier.  Learning these major life lessons doesn't come naturally me. I tend to hit major milestones a lot later than most...i.e. my 12 year molars finished coming in when I was a freshman in college...yikes. 

This week, David and I decided to make a "Before Baby Bucket List" of things we want to experience before we start our family.  I think this is a good place to start with the whole making the most of our one wild and precious life.  And if I can't come to any conclusions about the perfect career path at this very moment, maybe we can make some awesome memories in the meantime...

Oh, I forgot to include "Purchase a 13x13 inch print of a deer for my wall," in our list...but I totally did...

 
 Scratch it off the list!

What are YOU doing with your one wild and precious life this week?