Thursday, May 17, 2012

Not Alone.

So, apparently it's Diabetes Blog Week. If there is one thing that I've come to realize over the past few months or so, it's that having a disease or disability can be very isolating sometimes. Even though the fact that I have diabetes is in no way my fault, there is still a sense of shame that comes with it. There is also a lot anxiety and depression, two things I know a lot about. But the thing is, I've learned that there are TONS of fellow Type 1-ers out there who are going through the same frustration and burnout that I am. Knowing that makes me realize that I need community and support from people, even if it's through the internet, who REALLY know what it's like and don't ask stupid questions like, "Why are you eating that candy bar? Don't you have diabetes?" (Do us all a favor...before you try to tell someone how to handle their diabetes...just stop talking. Just stop. Immediately.)

 Here are a few diabetes blogs that I follow and have found really helpful:
 Recently, I've been struggling with the fact that it seems like EVERYONE I know is getting pregnant and starting families.  I know, I know...."You just got married, don't rush into parenthood.  Enjoy your time with your husband."  I do. I promise. We aren't planning on starting our family for a few more years.  But that doesn't mean that I haven't thought about being a mom every day since I was ten years old.  During a time when I really have no stinkin' clue what I'm supposed to do as a career, I do know that I'm supposed to be a mom and to love our baby B's without reservation and help them to realize who God created them to be. And that will happen. But not the way I envisioned since I was a little girl. You see, having diabetes makes pregnancy pretty complicated; complete with hardcore planning, ridiculous amounts of pressure, teams of doctors, never-ending appointments, and an unhealthy supply of fear that I am responsible if something were to happen to our baby.  Sounds blissful and romantic, doesn't it? 

I understand that not all pregnancies are blissful and romantic.  Things happen all the time.  But I'm still angry that I won't ever be able to have one that isn't High Risk.  It's like I'm grieving the loss of a dream. A dream that was really important to me.  I was so looking forward to the whole process, and now I'm utterly terrified. Like nightmares and meltdowns years before we even start trying - terrified.  

Enter my friend, Kelly who was one of the photographers at my wedding.  Kelly just happens to have Type 1 too, and even better just had a beautiful baby girl a few months ago. A HEALTHY baby girl.  I can't tell you how much of an answered prayer Kelly has been.  She is so supportive and so real when it comes to the absolute and unadulterated suck that is diabetes.  She has eased my fears and has helped me to believe that I will be able to bring a healthy baby into the world someday too.

I've spent too much of my life believing that I am supposed to do this all by myself. Not true. I am not alone.
YOU are not alone. Please, please know and believe that. 


  1. Great post. Very encouraging...sending happy thoughts to you today!

  2. oh friend. somehow i just found this (and shocking, it brought tears to my eyes).
    i love you, and you're not alone, and you're going to do great. that's all. :)


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