Three.

Today is our 3rd Anniversary.

After our wedding, I took the cards with the vows that we wrote to each other, a little worn, a tear drop smudge on mine, and framed them.  They hang on the wall of our room, in a shadow box with the dragonfly pin that was on my bouquet.

I remember toiling over the words that I would write to him, the perfect words that would capture the giddy excitement, the agape love that we shared, and the fear of how we would face the unknown.

I remember holding his hands at the alter, distracted by the lip gloss stain on his suit that I had left after kissing his shoulder when I finally reached him. We were both a little shaky and anxious to hear what the other had written.  He went first...

Katelin,
I love you. Your smile, your laugh, the love you have for life, and the light you shine on me every day; there are not enough words to say how thankful and how blessed I am. With this covenant, from this day, until the day I leave this world, I vow to love you with everything that I am, to be the man and the husband that I am mean to be. I will love, honor, encourage, and inspire you. I will listen, I will hear, I will shower you with affection. I will love you on the good days, and love you double on all the others. I promise to be your best friend, your one true companion. Here, I give myself to you, you and no other. Mind. Body. Soul. Forever, Katelin. I am yours. 

and then me...

David James,
I promise and covenant, before God and our family and friends, to walk alongside of you as we build this life together. To share in all that God has in store for us. To cherish you and set you apart, to be faithful and true to you, always. To love you in weakness as much as in strength. I promise to gently care for your heart and your mind and give you a firm place to stand. To face moments of despair as fearlessly as moments of success. And most of all, I promise to uplift and support you in becoming everything God created you to be. I will love you with all of my heart, body and soul, every day as long as we both shall live. 

I treasure these words and I'm so glad that we decided to write our own vows. I think one of the biggest challenges and blessings that marriage brings is the need for vulnerability, that invitation for someone to see those innermost parts of us and trusting one another to handle our fragile spirits delicately.  I love that we started our marriage with vulnerability and openness.

Thank you, David James, for your words. For sharing and living them out every day.  I love you, for all my days, no matter what.

Words From My College Apartment

I was going through an old Gmail account and found some old pieces from a Poetry 101 class at JMU.  I've written previously about the peace that I've found in putting creativity down on paper, so I thought I would share some of that with you...


Self-Portrait as a Painting

If I was a painting,
Frozen on glossy eggshell white,
Dulled and muted by gallery light,
How much would you pay for me?

Eyes of green olives,
And skin, thirsty sand,
The bending strokes of my body blended with imperfection.
Hang me above your mahogany bed.

In the silence of a soaking rain,
Dress turned transparent, my hair, a jungle-gym slide,
Arms outstretched and reaching.
I’ll tell you about how I used to dance.

And in the still
Of your companionless room,
A twinkling piano will play
And you’ll wish I was
More than just a picture you bought.


Lost Boy

A Sestina

This blue eyed boy waddles forward
Down the beach, as concerned parents watch.
His lonesome footprints so tiny carve stairs 

In the sand. He’s gone adrift
Like the jellyfish, lying dead, a pink balloon
Deflated. He pokes at it curiously with his finger.

Sandy and wet, he slowly brings the slimed finger
To his nose, inhales, and continues forward
Along the shore, long with towels like a hot air balloon.
Not concerned that he’s alone, he looks up to watch
An airplane. It’s droning roar floating as drift-

Wood on a wave. He makes his way down tide-made stairs.

Spying on Pop-pop

He’s reading in his vanilla ice cream chair.
(That’s what I call it, I’m seven.)
His tortoise-shell glasses perched on the tip of his nose,
While Doublemint bubbles expand and crack.
He hums along to Kenny Loggins,
His voice swallowing the melody
That sweeps the house like a warm southern wind.
Dinner’s almost ready.
The butter shushes angrily as Nana slices it into the saucepan.
Startled, he looks up from his book; I’m caught.
“KateyBaby!” He welcomes me onto his knee,
and quickly I must leave
my fortress of dolls and bears
To climb up to him.
He asks for a concert from his world famous flutist or
Maybe just a song from choir, only a verse.

I don’t play anymore, my flute
Collects dust like his picture on the table.
But I can still sing.

Tell me what to sing,

and I'll sing it. 

I miss seeing and thinking about the world this way.  I'm going to start dedicating more time to being still and sharing the words that come from that silence.  Other writers out there, what prompts you to pull out a pen and notepad, or a napkin, or glowing screen? 

The Thing That Goes "Ugghh" in the Night

In the diabetes world, there is nothing scarier than a low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)

in the middle of the night.  For the past 19 years, I've been lucky enough to feel my lows before they get out of control and luckier still to have the symptoms wake me up at night. These symptoms usually include feeling shaky, nervous, weak, and ridiculously sweaty (as if I don't sweat enough as it is...)

Last night was different. Maybe it was that I exercised for the first time in a long time that afternoon (using my brand spanking new Step Up Dance Revolution Work Out DVD, I might add), or maybe it was the fact that I woke up at 2am to use the bathroom, and blind bolused  (taking insulin without testing your blood sugar...bad, bad move) while I was half asleep because I thought I was feeling symptoms of high blood sugar...but I crashed.  Bad.  At 3am, I sat straight up in bed, dripping in sweat, my heart pounding, feeling as though every cell of my body was vibrating.  All I could do was let out an exasperated moan.  I guess it was loud enough to wake David from his bear-like hibernation (a miracle in itself), because he sat up too, asking what was wrong.  All I could say was "really low," beads of sweat dripping down my face.  He got up immediately and ran to get my some juice.  When he returned with the 64 ounce glass (bless his heart), he helped me test my blood.  I was expecting something like 50.... 

It was 30.  3-0.  Not the "30, flirty and thriving," kind.  The "Is this the type of diabetic situation that ends in a hospital visit" kind. A normal person's blood sugar sits between 90-115...and I was 30. 

At that point, my hands were shaking so bad that I spilled my juice down the front of me, so I switched to glucose tabs...(Side note: How can scientists create an artificial pancreas, but still can't produce glucose tabs that don't taste like I'm swallowing a stick of chalk that's been dipped in orange extract?)  Scenes from Steel Magnolias were coming to mind.  The scenes that used to make me feel so lucky that I wasn't the type of diabetic that always needed to have Glucagon (sort of like an Epi-pen for when your blood sugar is so low that it causes you to pass out) always at the ready or knew the ER nurses on a first name basis.  It never once crossed my mind that something like that would or could ever happen to me. I've never had to go to the hospital for my diabetes, and I've never had to use Glucogon. Ever. Last night, I realized that I'm not immune. That incredibly scary situations can happen to me and they may happen again.

Soon enough, I started to feel somewhat normal again, just as the inevitable "Hypo-hangover" set it.  I looked over at David, and said, "That could have been really, really bad." I sank into a heavy, damp sleep.  

Can I just say, that my husband is one of the most selfless and compassionate people I've ever met?  Even if he isn't saying anything, his eyes always tell me exactly what he's thinking.  "I want to take this from you." "I hate that you have to feel this way" "Thank you, God, for protecting her."  It's a humbling feeling, getting to spend the rest of your life with someone like that.  

I'm okay now.  Although I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything today.  I just keep thinking, "What if I didn't wake up when I did?"  Where would I be right now? Maybe those questions are melodramatic, but that's what's been going on in my head today.  

That...and pure, unadulterated gratitude.

Here Comes the Sun: Our Wedding

So I'm thinking this should have been one of my first posts, due to the fact that it was one of the most significant days of my life, but alas, here we are half way into 2012.  This is going to be UBER photo heavy, so I thought that I would prepare a mood/playlist that you might want to build for yourself on Youtube or Spotify or something.  I'll give you a minute to compile:

• Here Comes the Sun by Yo Yo Ma and James Taylor  (Our first dance song) 
• I Will Not Take My Love Away by Matt Wertz ( Our good friend, Brian played this song during the ceremony)
• Signed, Sealed, Delivered by Stevie Wonder (The quartet played this as our processional. B.A.) 
• Say Hey (I Love You) by Michael Franti and Spearhead (Our entrance song into the reception)
• I Was Made for Sunny Days by The Weepies
• You Are the Best Thing by Ray LaMontagne
• Dela by Johnny Clegg
• Crayola Doesn't Make a Color for Your Eyes by Kristin Andreassen
• You and Me by Dave Matthews Band 
• This Will Be (An Ever Lasting Love) by Natalie Cole

I had trouble sleeping the night before Sunday, May 29th, 2011.  I didn't have cold feet, but I was completely consumed with thoughts like, "This is it. After a year and half of planning and waiting, it's here. Today is my wedding day. The only wedding day I'll ever have.  Am I ready for this?" At 6 a.m., I decided I needed to get out of my little room and get some air, luckily I passed my mom on the way and she came down to our hot tub with me.  I soaked and breathed in my mom's comforting words and soothing voice.  I was going to be just fine.

The girls and I got our hair and makeup done, the flowers arrived, and it was finally time to put on my dress:

Gosh, I loved that dress. It was the first one I tried on. I loved the cotton fabric, the delicate appliques, the buttons,THE POCKETS! Oh, the pockets! It's really a tragedy that you're really only supposed to wear a dress that gorgeous for one day.   

One of the most unforgettable moments for me that day was when my dad saw me for the first time. It was absolutely perfect.

Before we left for the church, we hurried outside for some group photos.  Seriously...how stunning are these girls!?

 Meanwhile, the boys were already there, getting ready and looking quite dapper.

 

Quick pause for some details of the ceremony at Fairview Presbyterian Church.

It was go time. After some prayers and group song (seriously, how can you NOT sing "Going to the Chapel" with your bridesmaids at the top of your lungs minutes before you say "I do"?), we all lined up to walk down the aisle. 

The girls walked gracefully to "While Sheep May Safely Graze" and then it was my turn.  The doors opened, "Canon in D" started, my dad gave my hand a final squeeze and off we went...

We did it!

Except for the unity candle that wouldn't light, it was a perfect ceremony. I loved the imperfection. It was so personal and so us.  It was such a blessing to have our family and friends play a role in the ceremony.  My Nana read from Colossians, my Aunt Karen played "Come Thou Fount" on the piano, our friend Brendon and his quartet played throughout, and Brian played an acoustic version of our song, "I Will Not Take My Love Away." 

After some quick family photos, we took off to the Welkinwier Estate for the reception!

We had a few minutes to snack on some delicious hors d'oeuvres and blueberry mojitos, before we went down to the ruins to take some group shots:

We had a spectacular meal, accompanied by great toasts by my dad, one of my best friends and the greatest Maid of Honor in all of history, and David's best friend Paul.

It's true when they say that you don't eat at your own wedding.  Soon enough David and I went back down to the fields below the house.  (I'll spare you and just post some highlights.)

It was finally time to party!  I couldn't wait dance with my new husband and all our friends and family.  Spoiler alert: It was the greatest night of my life.

And all too soon, it was time for us to say goodbye. The night had come to an end.  I remember feeling so incredibly happy to finally be married.  To leave with my HUSBAND. But I was so sad that it was over.  But I couldn't dwell. There were extra long sparklers to light!

I can't say thank you enough to my parents, the Breitmayers, and our entire support team of vendors.  You gave David and I a perfect wedding.  It's so important to have vendors that you trust, and that really care about you and your event. We couldn't have asked for better.  Here they are:

Photographer: Nicola Herring Photography

Florist: Laurie Sasko Designs

Hair: Avante on Main Street

Bridal Make up: Michaela Parlett

Church: Fairview Presbyterian Church

Quartet: Shaw Strings

Reception Site: Welkinweir Estate

Caterer: Bause Catered Events

DJ: Silver Sound Entertainment - Michael Kane

Favors: Madison Ave. Confections 

I'll close with the verse that Nana read at the ceremony because I think it sums up what we continue to strive towards as we build our marriage, even a year later.


Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.  And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.     Colossians 3:12-17